Posted this on "themacman" but i wanted here too...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." I call this the CNC rule, and I will do my best to apply it everywheres in my life. CNC= Communicate, Negotiate, Compromise. Here it is, Wed morning, and I still have not heard from Bruce. I hope he calls today, I sure need to get to work. Chatted with Gini today, she lives in Belgium. Met her online in our group, heartsonthemend. she too is going through a tough time with a man she loves dearly. i find it both interesting and somewhat of a comfort, that feelings of love, pain, rejection, they have no age limit. while i dont want to ever hurt again as i have been doing these past 2 months, at least i know i will never be too old to fall in love or enjoy the touch of someone that loves me. i miss tam very much, and i am doing my best to move on, but it is hard. part of me wishes her all the best, while part of me wants her to hurt a little, just enough that she might remember all that was good in our relationship and figure out those 3 elements i have found to be what i think is the key to a lasting relationship. once again they are: 1) communication. you must start with communication or the next 2 will never take place 2) negotiation. whatever the issue, you cannot argue about it. you must negotiate to find a resolution. 3) compromise. once you have communicated the issues at hand, in order to negotiate a solution there must be compromise, on both sides. i write this tuff here because i truly believe this is what cost me my marriage to tammi. i never want to forget these things, so i will continue to write them, to read them, to practice them so i never, ever have to go through this again. i practice them in my daily life right now, with my parents. i truly believe if i can make it a good habit, then someday, with tam or somebody else, i will be better prepared to handle anything that comes up. i like to think i tried to do this with tam this past summer, and i feel i partially did, but i also feel she did not, and therefore we did not do enough. if i had felt this way, i could have taken the lead and done a better job of it. i wish tam could read these things, understand what it is i am saying and think to herself, "yes, we could have done a better job of communicating, negotiating, and compromising" and try to work it out. she thinks i am so hard headed i will not compromise, but that just is not true. i am stubborn, but never to the point of it costing me my marriage. i do not believe compromise means kissing someones ass, or letting them have their way all the time, sometimes i will win and sometimes she will win, but in the end, we all lose if we dont communicate, negotiate, and compromise. hard lesson to once again learn.

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