This describes how I have felt for most of my life, but I am taking control..
"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." GIVING IN TO THE SYSTEM And coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected by men, but choice and precious in the sight of God (1 Peter 2:4). "Pastor, I'm a loser," a high school boy told me dejectedly. He explained that he wanted to be a star football player, but had been cut from the team. Instead of being in the spotlight as an athlete, he had to settle for being a member of the pep band. And compared to star quarterbacks, clarinet players were losers at his school. The largest group of people today respond to rejection like this boy did: by simply giving in to the system. They continue their efforts to try to earn approval, but the inevitable rejection by others prompts them to believe that they really are unlovable and rejectable. The system says that the best, the strongest, the most beautiful, and the most talented are "in." Those who don't fit those categories--which includes most of us--are "out," and we succumb to society's false judgment of our worth. As a result, a large segment of the population is plagued by feelings of worthlessness, inferiority and self-condemnation. This person may have trouble relating to God. If he blames God for his state, it will be difficult to trust Him. "You made me a lowly clarinet player instead of a star quarterback," he complains. "If I trust You with other areas of my life, how do I know You won't make me a loser there too?" By giving in to the system's false judgment, this person can only look forward to more and more rejection. He has bought the lie and he even rejects himself. Therefore, any success or acceptance which comes his way will be questioned or doubted on the basis of what he already believes about himself. God has not equally distributed gifts, talents or intelligence, but He has equally distributed Himself. Our sense of worth comes from knowing who we are as children of God. "See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are" (1 John 3:1). Heavenly Father, thank You for creating me the way You have and for making me Your child. I find my worth in You.