Losing a friend...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." Critter made it through the night but i dont think he will make it through another. He is barely alive, he is blind and he won't drink any water. I dont know what happened, possibly a stroke or kidney failure, but my friend is going to die. He may be just a cat, but in a very dark time of my life he was my only friend. i am now happy that tam sent me away as i get to say goodbye to my friend. our pets become so much more than just something to keep us company. we tell them our secrets, get comfort from them. and they never complain, never put us down. a pets love is a true definition of unconditional love. when i had critter in my own house, i always told everyone he lived there because he chose to. i mean he went outside all the time. he could have left if he had wanted to. but he didn't. he came home, not just for the food, but to sit on my lap and listen to me when i was hurting, or when i was filled with joy. i will never forget the time when jess and i were tearing down that old shed out back and critter caught one of the rats that lived under it and put it on the wheelbarrow for me. he brought me gifts like that all the time (not that i really wanted dead mice and rats, but he did his best). sometimes when we are down, when we cant see what is going around us, someone close makes a sacrifice to show us what is really important in life. critter loved me unconditionally. i thought i loved tammi unconditionaly and her me. but i was wrong. all i do know is i love her, will always love her. i have searched my soul and all i know is my love for her is greater than any issues. that they could have been worked through. but therein lies the problem, she had to love me enough in return that nothing was bigger than us. tomorrow is the beginning of a new year. i will use that beginning to look forward, never looking back. if i am fortunate, i have maby 30-35 years of my life left, i want to enjoy each and every day of it. if tammi ever wants to be a part of it again, i am there and waiting for her, and if not, i refuse to be down about it. i will just accept that it was not meant to be, will learn all that i can from it to better myself as a human being, and move forward. there is no time left for me to just mope around in self pity. i am a good person, i have faults, i try to learn from my mistakes, and when i love, i give my heart and soul to that person. if this is not enough for her, there is nothing i can do about that. i hope for the best for her and that she does find the peace and happiness she seeks in her life. it is just too bad, for me, that it isn't with me. maybe i am not perfect for her, but she was perfect for me.

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