A reference from the link in my previous post...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." " A fourth aspect of this affirmation principle is infatuation - called "Eros" (in Greek "erotas") or "falling in love". In this case there is a mutual (occasionally only one-sided) infatuation on the physical, sexual, emotional and sometimes mental level. This is a special attraction between two persons who excite, bring joy to and stimulate each other positively. This positive stimulation often has to do with the needs for security, pleasure and affirmation. This intensity of these feelings seldom lasts more than a few years. The couple then has the possibility of transforming their "Eros" into a steady form of unconditional love, or facing the sadness of conflict and / or separation. Sooner or later, we will come face to face with the other's various negative aspects, and if we cannot love them as they are, the relationship suffers. Until we are able to love unconditionally, we will be unhappy, insecure and frequently in conflict with those around us. We will be able to do this only when we have matured sufficiently so as to experience inner security, inner satisfaction, inner freedom and a steady feeling of self-worth. In other words, we can love purely only those who we do not need. When we need others, we cannot love them unconditionally. This might be difficult to comprehend at first, but deep thought and observation will prove it to be true. Being able to love without conditions is a basic prerequisite for both a happy life and spiritual evolution. quite possibly this is what happened to Tammi. When we met she was coming out of 20 yrs of bad relationships. She "needed" someone that would care for her, take care of her as she had tried to care for others. I was that person. But possibly what happened was she reached a level where she did not "need" me any longer and she did not feel that love for me as she once did. Unconditional love is to love without needing, according to this site. I, to, felt a need from her, a need to be loved, to be accepted by someone just as I am. Either she could not accept me as I am once she moved out of her "needful" state, or she lost sight of just who I am. Following the doctrine laid out in this site, I must release my need for her to achieve an unconditional love for her. And I think I am doing this. I have posted quite alot here professing my love for her, my desire to be with her. I also know that I will go on without her, even though that is not what I want. I do have unconditional love for her, simply because I am letting her go. I do not think that means I will not hurt over her doing this, but having recognized her need for her independence, her need to find her way on her own, I left, I released her. I miss her and I do hope she someday finds this site so that she may think about unconditional love for me. What I am confused by, or rather just dont have an answer for, is "does she love me, just felt she could not live with me, could not believe that I was strong enough to compromise my feelings on certain issues?", or is it really true that she took a look at me and decided that in fact she really did not love me, that she never truly loved me, she just thought she did because of her emotional needs at the time we met? These are questions I cannot answer, only she can answe them. She told me she was happy with who she was, well I was too, I was perfectly happy with who she was, I just wanted her and I to communicate better our feelings and positions on issues. If I could go back in time, I would have tried differently to communicate my positions on issues. I think I could have done a better job at doing that. But did it have to end just to figure this out? How could I have better shown her that just because I had an issue with something, that did not mean I was not willing to communicate it? I, too, am happy with who I am, but that does not mean I cannot learn new or different ways of doing things.

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