Been thinking...

"Do whatever it takes to be happy, for it is hard to know what life will bring you." about what I wrote last night about expectations and now I am convinced more than ever about this. I now can see why Tam did not think anything would change, because I could not see where I needed to change. But I did figure it out and am changing my whole outlook on how I deal with others. I still wished she had communicated her feelings better to me, but this is no longer about her, it is about me and what I can do to better myself. I must accept people as I see them, accept the limits to which they can do things. I dont know, I am probably just rambling but I see it so clearly now, whereas I didn't before. Personal growth is more the right words to describe what I am doing and what I want to continue to do. I love her and accept her just as she is, but what good does that do me now, after she has sent me away and told me she no longer wants the life we had? I did not want the life we had, I wanted the life we WERE going to have! Everyday was a new and wonderful adventure with her. Things never stay the same and you cannot live in the past, so the life we had was constantly changing and evolving into something else. It still is of course, just not a life together. I will continue to hope and pray, because I can do nothing else. I know what she has said and may continue to say, but people do change their minds, even if today they don't believe they will. You just never know when that something happens that causes them to rethink their actions and decide something was worth having. If you once upon a time you loved each other a certain way, you can again. What is love anyways? Love is different in so many ways for people in their 20's than it is for those in their 40's, just as it is different for those in their 60's. but it still comes down to doing for each other, respecting each other, communicating your needs, dreams, and hopes. crying on each other shoulder when you have had a bad day, and making each other laugh. This situation and learning experience for me will not go down in vain, I will be stronger for it, because someday, she or someone else will need me to be strong, to be there for them. I hope she knows that I am here for her, and when/if the time comes she needs me I will be there for her, stronger and better than ever.

No comments: